What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
