Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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