Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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