just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
