It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
