no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
