So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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