Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
