we have officially lost it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i now understand why vodka
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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