ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
