I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
