Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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