: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
