Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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