So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize