I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
