Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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