Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
