I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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