So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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