Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize