Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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