you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
