i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
