Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
