The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
