She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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