At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
