Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize