This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
