so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
