we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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