I never want to see another naked old woman again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
