So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
