im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
