I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
