I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
