put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The Olympian is in my bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
