I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
