I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
