Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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