i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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