I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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