eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
