He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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