This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
