Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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