my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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