he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
