just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
