I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
