Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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