that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
