Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
