You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
