how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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