ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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