Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
