The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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