i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
