he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
