Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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