3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
