I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
