They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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