I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
