I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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