look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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